Bittersweet
by Insane Onna
Summary: Hisoka's thoughts on Tsuzuki. Set on Devil's Trill Arc.


A.N-(Set on Devil's Trill Arc, when Tsuzuki was possessed by Saagatanasu & Hisoka was dressed up as Hijiri…)

_Bittersweet_

**By: Insane Onna**

Hisoka's P.O.V.

            It was a quiet & peaceful evening. But I feel that it will not be for me. My sixth sense is never wrong about these things. I am currently looking at the sea. 'It is so beautiful at night…' I thought.

            Suddenly, without knocking at all, Tsuzuki/Saagatanasu entered the room. "Oh… Tsuzuki…" I said while taking a casual glance at him, trying to seem nonchalant when in fact, my heart's beating twice as fast than normal. 

"Look, ghost lights. You don't usually see these at this time. I heard that ghost lights are spirits of those who died at the sea… It's so beautiful!" I told him the story that my mother used to tell me when I was a child. Before I started showing my powers. Before she & my family started to hate me, call me a monster & even treat me as such.

            My back was turned away from him so I couldn't see him. I wasn't expecting anything when suddenly, Tsuzuki asked, "Hijiri… Do you want to repay me?" His question startled me, so I quickly turned around, "Huh?" then suddenly, he was centimeters away from me.

            "To repay me from saving you from that demon…" he explained. I can't believe how calm he is, when I feel that I'm going to faint from nervousness of being too close to him. I quickly thought of a reply. "Of course. If I can do it, I'll do anything to reply you…" Somehow, I have an uneasy feeling that something unpleasant will happen…

            "Anything?..." He seductively whispered. "Then… Give me your body…" he suddenly wrapped his arms around me. Even if, he isn't really Tsuzuki… I could already feel my cheeks heating up… I silently thank Enma that he couldn't see my face… But I still helplessly sputter, "Wa…wait a sec! Tsuzuki! Stop joking!"

            Tsuzuki whispered to me, "Didn't you say… you'd do anything?" By then, I'm really starting to wish that Tsuzuki, the real one was the one whispering to me those words. But I know perfectly well that, that naïve baka will never see me more than a partner. A mean one in fact, or so he says…

            That train of thought was suddenly cut off when I felt sudden pain. I quickly found out that Tsuzuki used a cleaver & was starting to hack my body into parts.

            We may be Shinigami, but even we feel pain. It's not because we're immortals that means we're immune from pain. It took Tsuzuki a short time to 'kill' me.

            A full moon shone through the window & onto my body illuminating it, I suppose

with light complimenting my skin & making the crimson blood all the more obvious.

            Then Tsuzuki whispered, "So beautiful… Your soft white skin matches too well with your beautiful crimson blood…"

            Then, heleft the room. I slowly found myself thinking about the real Tsuzuki, the one behind the mask of cheerfulness that he wears everyday.

            Ever since we met, I could already sense a sorrowful aura around him, his great sorrow & guilt. There are a very few times when I see Tsuzuki without his mask… Only on times when he thinks that no one's looking at him…

            I sometimes catch glimpses of his thoughts… From what I saw, he seems to think that he doesn't deserve love. That he doesn't have the right to love another person. I disagree with him. Everyone deserves love, to be loved & to love a special person… Probably, everyone except me. Me, who even my own family hates, fears & call me a monster.

            For me, I can't love because I don't know how to. Because I was never shown love. I never felt love except for the vague memories I remember that my mother used to give my hugs & call me 'a good boy'. But other than that… So, I can't love because I don't know how to.

            Outside, a dog howled miserably, begging for an answering howl to his call, but nobody ever did.

            "Poor dog… There's nobody who loves you… Just like me… Whom even his own family hated & feared, until his death… I can feel my body weakening… Enma, it hurts so much…" Hisoka whispered before falling into a deep slumber. Lying there on he floor as still as death. Waiting…

Owari!^-^        

Insane Onna: I got some of the info from the manga! Sorry for confusing anybody! *bows over & over again* You can download it at www.sakura-crisis.net !  Don't forget, REVIEW!!! ^-^


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